First reflex communication of the newborn: a cry and a few tears ... that fill us with happiness: he lives! The first time, this very particular mode of expression continues to delight us: he claims us! But, crying is also a need for babies.
The baby drowns his woes in tears
- Very quickly, the frequency and the intensity of the crying of our baby end up disconcerting us. Researchers were "amused" to measure the crying time of toddlers: on average one hour a day, divided into ten minutes here and there, a quarter of an hour there! Okay, he has no other way to make us understand that he is hungry, cold, stomach ache ... But we offered him a feed, a blanket, a small massage of the abdomen ... and he cry anyway!
- "A baby's crying is not necessarily a call for immediate needs, when a baby is apparently crying for no reason, it is because it is being repaired." He has lived, recently or less recently, a certain suffering that he could not express at the moment He stored this non-manifestation in the form of inner tensions He needs to release them Tears are the expression of this therapeutic process of evacuation. are not the suffering, but the sign of the healing of the suffering ", explains Isabelle Filliozat, psychotherapist. So when our baby cries, it is good! This explanation does not really surprise us. How many times have we sobbed on a friend's shoulder, have we emerges from this sea of tears, reassured. "Crying lowers blood pressure, eliminates toxins, relaxes muscle tension, restores breathing, and after crying, sobbing deeply, one feels de-ten-du-liberated," notes Isabelle Filliozat.
So many tears ... because so many tensions?
- Given his very young age, what kind of suffering can our baby know about needing such a torrent of tears? Nothing dramatic, catastrophes of the size of its latches: lacks and frustrations ... sometimes cried out of time more than late!
- "When childbirth has gone wrong, the baby may need to complain about a birth he has experienced in fear or pain, sometimes weeks later." Infants also have huge needs tenderness, contacts, portages, smells, caresses A baby, lying for hours in a cradle, accumulates tensions that he will need to "cry out" ", image the therapist.
- If we put ourselves in the place of our baby, we must admit that his sensitivity has reasons to be hurt: breastfeeding that does not unfold as easily as expected, our wave to the soul , a big brother who monopolizes us and does not allow us to respond with diligence and serenity to his appeals ...
- Fortunately, our toddler understands very quickly that he has before his eyes the remedy for his worries: tears. It seems that he was born with an inexhaustible reservoir of this liquid that he licks and sniffs at will. "Tears, like breast milk, are produced as and when needed," notes Isabelle Filliozat.
We must welcome his tears
- Our baby does not dump his "water revolver eyes" at any time. He is waiting for us! And he chooses his moment, in the evening, when we would like to cuddle, laugh and tickle. Why did not he pour out his overflow of ill-being at the nursery? Because we are the one who can do everything for him.
- "A baby needs support, respect for what he lives, to accept to let his emotion overflow without feeling threatened with destruction, so do not try to silence a baby who is crying, but rather to favor his tears, "advises the specialist.
- "To avoid pushing his thumb or pacifier to close his mouth ..." we can do it, since it's good for him. But "to encourage her tears!": Perhaps by showing us spectatri-these enthusiasts and not more shocked? Try ! Isa-belle Filliozat kindly asks: "It is important to stay in touch with a baby who is raining, looking at him in the eye and with tenderness, for example, then you have to make a small projection effort: imagine yourself that you are a cup, a container stretched towards your baby to collect all the tears that it is imperative to get out.You thus put yourself in a welcoming attitude and you feel that you are useful to him.
Isabelle Gravillon with the collaboration of Isabelle Filliozat, psychotherapist, author of Au coeur des emotions de l'enfant, ed. Jean-Claude Lattès.
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